


Longing

by LostOneintheBack



Category: Final Fantasy IX
Genre: Bea and Rusty raised their Princess problems, Canonical Character Death, Chivalry, Complicated Relationships, Duty, Everyone thought Zidane was dead, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-11 22:34:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29500011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostOneintheBack/pseuds/LostOneintheBack
Summary: Garnet, and coming to terms with Royalty, relationships, and the fact that her lover might be gone. Her knights are her staunchest allies, and friends.
Relationships: Beatrix/Adelbert Steiner, Garnet Til Alexandria XVII & Adelbert Steiner, Garnet Til Alexandros XVII & Beatrix, Garnet Til Alexandros XVII/Zidane Tribal
Kudos: 5





	Longing

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write something about the search for Zidane before posting this one, but it had been sitting since my last final chapter so I thought what the heck. 
> 
> I feel so bad for Garnet during this time, and wanted to delve more into her relationship with my favorite pair of knights. 
> 
> In my mind, they would have almost raised her; being around Dagger since she washed up in the harbor. Maybe one day I’ll write a short about that!

‘ _We met, we laughed, we held on fast, and then we said goodbye.’ -Melodies of Life_

**Alexandria, 1801**

It was January, her birthday was coming up, and she couldn’t have been more miserable. Memories were cruel, and she didn’t think that that was something a woman of seventeen should have to know.

She looked out of her window and over the castle, mostly finished being repaired now. It was like the events of last year never happened, and if she was being honest with herself, Garnet hated it.

It was like Zidane never crashed into her life, like her mother never died even when she wasn’t here to comfort her, like she wasn’t queen and she wasn’t—

Garnet choked back a sob, tucking her head into her crossed arms on the windowsill.

A knock on her door interrupted her misery. She pulled herself up and tried to wipe her face before the door inevitably opened, and her General stood in the frame.

“Your majesty, you’re still fully dressed,” Beatrix’s silken tone chastised, and Garnet sank in her seat. She was in her regalia, her hair braided and jewelry in place like she had all day. A day of hearing noble’s tirades, complaints and proposals, going over trade agreements and negotiating with guildsman. A day of being a queen and pretending she wasn’t suffocating under the weight of it all.

Garnet felt the tiara being pulled gently from the top of her head.

“I’m sorry, Beatrix, I’ll get ready for bed, soon. You don’t have to—” Garnet protested, her hands finding her General’s as they tugged away her crown.

“It’s alright. You haven’t been yourself since the new year,” Beatrix soothed, setting down her tiara and pulling up a chair beside her. Garnet smiled ruefully and blinked away her tears.

“I’m that obvious, am I?” She said in a hoarse voice, and Beatrix set her hand on top of Garnet’s in her lap.

“You are morose, my lady. And it isn’t hard to see why. It’s been a year since...” Her General stopped and Garnet filled in the space.

“Everything began.”

“Indeed.”

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel, Beatrix. I just...I should be thankful. I’m alive and my kingdom is thriving, the world is safe. I have you and my friends...so why do I feel this way?”

Beatrix’s expression was neutral, and she stood to rummage behind them. Probably getting her bed clothes ready.

Garnet shouldn’t have said anything; it wasn’t as if Beatrix ever had to pine over some lost lover, or ever had to feel this alone. Beatrix probably wouldn’t have moped about like she had either...but she doubted that a capable woman like Beatrix could have understood.

Garnet was being immature. She was being irresponsible. She was queen, and queens did not mourn over lost thie—

Garnet sighed shakily and stood. No. Zidane was the most noble, most courageous and genuinely kind soul she had ever met. 

Beatrix was by her side as soon as she was out of her chair, turning her toward the bed and helping her out of the confines of her gown. Garnet went through the motions stiffly and every movement made her feel like a stranger to the routine.

“The boy you love is missing, your highness. I would argue it is natural to feel this way,” Beatrix said without preamble, and Garnet froze halfway through disrobing. Beatrix yanked the garment off of her like a bandage from a wound.

“I don’t...I mean did I...?” She didn’t know what she was trying to say and Beatrix pushed her night clothes into her hands.

“This past year has been cruel. You’ve seen things seasoned knights would faint at. Your exploits were as extraordinary as they were mythic,” Beatrix tucked a finger under Garnet’s chin to pull her drooping head up, and the general’s gaze was warm and understanding in the lamplight.

“It’s amazing you even came back in one piece. Get in bed before you catch a cold,” She went from soothing to mothering in the space of a moment and Garnet shrugged on the thick woolen nightdress and tucked herself under her duvet. Beatrix pulled another blanket over her and shut the window, pulling the curtains.

“I never told him how I felt. I never even...how do you know?” Garnet asked in a whisper, curled on her side and staring at some point on her flowery wall.

“Hmm?” Beatrix responded, and Garnet felt the bed tip as she sat beside her queen.

“How do you know that this is love? I’ve read these things in books but...how do I know it wasn’t just...everything else?”

Beatrix inhaled softly, looking at the light and leaning down to sprawl opposite the younger woman, tilted up on her elbow and flooded the princess’s vision.

“Everything else?” Her General clarified and Garnet knit her brows as she fought to describe it.

“How do I know that this isn’t the fallout of mother’s death? Of Kuja’s demise and Memoria’s wake? What if I only miss him because of what happened and what if I’m just being foolish and tricking myself?” Garnet explained. A soft, throaty chuckle filled the air and Garnet stared in disbelief at a General who was laughing at her.

“What?” She huffed petulantly, and Beatrix ceased her laughter to tuck a stray strand of hair behind Garnet’s ear.

“Do you feel the same way about Steiner?” She asked, and Garnet scrunched her nose.

“All right, what about that Salamander. He isn’t here. Surely you miss him because of what the journey has meant to you,” Beatrix continued and Garnet flailed out of her covers to thrash at the older woman, Beatrix fought her off deftly.

“Or maybe Quina! Ah, but they’re surely to tug at your heartstrings, aren’t they?” She suggested and Garnet squeaked in protest, trying and failing to push Beatrix off the bed as she mocked her.

“I suppose if you did harbor such feelings for your Captain then I’m afraid I would have to duel you for him. I don’t think he’d take to being royalty very well,” Beatrix continued and Garnet fell to flailing and embarrassed giggling at the very notion of any of it.

“No! No, Beatrix you cease this at once!” She protested and her general’s laughter died down with her own thrashing. Garnet felt out of breath and her eyes burned, her throat seized up and what was a laugh came out as a sob. Beatrix’s face softened and she pulled the covers up over her again.

“The point was that what you are feeling has everything to do with what you feel for the boy. And it’s natural and normal,” Beatrix reasoned, and Garnet saw her only through a blur.

“I can’t sleep without seeing his face. I miss him being near...I miss him even when he was being insufferable and immature. He kept me going when I didn’t think I had anywhere left to go,” Garnet openly sobbed, tucking her head into her pillow and she felt Beatrix’s fingers glide through her hair.

The General pulled her into a lying embrace, and Garnet wrapped about her like the roots of a tree.

“And I don’t even know what happened to him—And I’m angry at him for going back but I know why he did! And he just had to be the damn hero all the time—!” Garnet screamed into the hollow of Beatrix’s shoulder, clenching her fingers so hard into her back that they hurt but she couldn’t let go—

Her General tucked her head under her own chin, held the girl against her, whispered how she knew how she felt and Garnet didn’t know if she did or not but...

She cried, and she mourned...and she longed for a boy that would never return.

*

Beatrix left her monarch sound asleep after a few hours, and promptly cancelled everything for her the next day. Garnet needed the sleep, and Beatrix found herself in her room, curled into her bed with Garnet’s anger resonating inside her and what was probably bruises on her shoulder blades thinking about her stupid, noble knight Captain.

Adelbert was away on that forsaken continent looking for her thief. And everything Garnet screamed rang in her head. Beatrix could still see him smile at her as he had left for the airship to go look for his friend. She saw him every night she tried to sleep. And missed him even when he was being stubborn and irate. Without him...she didn’t have much else to keep her here. Beatrix knew he had to go back to find his friend...but why did he always have to be ‘the damn hero’?

Beatrix sighed in frustration. Prayed that her Captain came back with the boy.

*

“You seem to be in lighter spirits, your majesty,” Beatrix applauded her queen as she entered the dining hall. Garnet was wearing a modest gown with a common brown corset and her ankle boots; she seemed less tense than she had the night before.

“You cancelled my appointments?” She asked her General, her brows knit slightly and her voice low in the morning air. Beatrix looked around her officer’s dining quarters, and looked back to her young queen.

“It isn’t often you come down here, your majesty. Isn’t your morning meal getting cold?” Beatrix deflected and Garnet shook her head defiantly.

“I don’t need to be idle, Beatrix. I need to do my duty and you can’t...I mean...can you just make me take a day off?” Garnet went from cross to flummoxed in the space of a minute, and Beatrix took a ginger sip of her tea. She pushed her plate of biscuits to her queen and patted the space in front of her. Garnet took it smoothly and plucked up one of the biscuits to pick at it.

“I can give you the option. The choice. You can rest for a moment, take this day to think over the decisions made yesterday. Plan your next course,” Beatrix answered unwaveringly, picking up a steaming biscuit of her own.

“The rest is on you, your highness.”

Garnet slumped and looked at her with a little guilt.

“I’m sorry. I know you worry,” The girl admitted and Beatrix nodded with an affirmative “Indeed.”

“It’s good to rest. And I like the idea of chewing over decisions. Makes them easier to wrap my head around,” Garnet agreed and took a larger bite of her biscuit. Beatrix smirked at her lack of decorum.

Spent her time around too many thieves.

“So Steiner finally got the courage to court you?”

Beatrix almost spat her tea in her queen’s face. And while Garnet was tittering she tried not to choke on it.

“Excuse me, your highness?” Beatrix tried to recover, but Garnet’s small laughter rang like little bells, and Beatrix could hardly be upset by it.

“It’s just that I remember thinking a few years ago that you two would be a very handsome couple, and it’s good to know that my ten-year old instincts were right,” Garnet said with a self-assured smile and continued to nibble on her biscuit. Beatrix huffed and absently wiped her chin for any messes she might have made.

“And what brought this on?” Beatrix asked incredulously, trying to fight the growing romance talk about to happen. (Which was dangerous with a heartsick teenager!)

“You did almost challenge me for Steiner the other night, so, I inferred,” Garnet explained with a smile and Beatrix rolled her eyes.

“Nevermind, your highness. Go back to your endless array of duties!” Beatrix deflected, and Garnet mercifully receded, and they chatted about other, less important and nonsensical things to lighten the mood.

*

A few months later, Steiner was not able to return with the thief. Vivi had stopped.

And with him, the search for Zidane.

Garnet had gone to the outer continent long enough to bury her young friend, and took her Captain back with her. Tantalus continued to look for their brother, but that was a lot of ground to cover a very long way away.

“We know Zidane. If he was alive...he would have been back by now,” Garnet said, her hands folded in her lap, sitting where her mother once sat to overlook her birthday plays. Steiner was at her right, dutiful as ever, while Beatrix flanked her left, quiet as she always was.

“There was no evidence that he was dead!” Steiner exclaimed, and Garnet shook her head quickly. Beatrix hissed the knight’s name in warning, and Steiner shook his own head ferociously.

“No! Your majesty, please!” Steiner pleaded, and Garnet was on her feet in a flash.

“Stop it, Steiner!” She spun on him, and his eyes widened at her outburst. “Just stop it!” She stomped her foot, shaking her head to will her tears away.

“He’s gone! That cursed tree crushed him. We saw it. There won’t be anything of him to find!”

“Your majesty,” He pleaded, stepping forward with his palms raised and Garnet swallowed thickly.

“Stop it. You are not helping the matter. You searched and there was nothing. Please, let us be done with this,” Garnet ordered. Steiner stared, wide eyed and gaping, glancing from Beatrix to her.

“You’re dismissed, Captain,” Garnet turned from him, her eyes burning and his expression seared into her mind. Beatrix’s very presence beside her, unseen, went cold.

That was terrible. She shouldn’t have—it wasn’t his fault. Steiner was being optimistic for once and she just pulled rank on him...!

Garnet turned to look at where he was, head hung in an abysmal shame—

And Steiner had not moved. He stood at attention, his face blank and his eyes dark, and Garnet peeked up at his emotionless expression with a narrow sense of dread. She looked the other way to find Beatrix standing as still as they were, her eyes downcast and her expression tense, lips pursed in annoyance, or anger, or disappointment—she couldn’t tell.

Beatrix spoke first, shattered the tension around them.

“You two are going to have a discussion. And when it is over, I want whatever this,” She gestured between Garnet and Steiner, “Is, dealt with.”

“Beatrix, wait, there isn’t...” Garnet tried to argue, but Beatrix turned to her, quick as a flash and glared into her eyes; her face a mask but her eyes amber and alight.

“Dismiss him permanently or find some solid ground, your majesty,” Her General said lowly, and Garnet’s title fell heavily on her shoulders.

Dagger swirled in indignation somewhere deep in her heart where Garnet thought to bury her.

Beatrix spun on her heel, dismissing the guard at the doors and the heavy sound of them closing made both Steiner and Garnet jump.

“She’s always so dramatic,” Steiner complained and slouched in dismay. “I know I disobeyed a direct order, your majesty, and for that I should be hanged, but I beg you reconsider!” He looked at her pleadingly, eyes already red and watery.

“The both of you are dramatic! Knock it off, Steiner! You know I would do no such thing. Or dismiss you like...I’m sorry. What I did was uncalled for,” Garnet shook her head and sat in her throne, fingers playing at the red velvet of the loveseat.

“You’ve no apologies owed to me, your majesty. I’m a lowly knight,” Steiner said, but there was a hesitance to his voice, a way he said it that was not as genuine as it should have been.

Garnet looked up at him in confusion.

“We are much more than liege and lackey, Steiner. You aren’t just some knight. You’re my friend and my confidant and...” She tried, and her eyes burned and her throat tightened.

“If you, of all people, cannot find him then that means the worst. If it were me missing you’d have brought me back already,” Garnet said with a pained smile, and Steiner took to a knee beside her thrown, his eyes still red and puffy.

“I followed orders blindly before, your majesty. And there were times I let my duty bind me to a role I began to resent. You are upset. And I will listen to you. The way I always should have. Maybe if I had before...you would not have asked some thief to take you away,” He replied with a shaky laugh of his own, and Garnet shook her head.

“It’s not just Zidane. It’s Vivi. It’s that damn place on the other side of the world. I can’t stop Tantalus from going but I can’t keep sending you to look for someone and risk your life for a corpse,” Her voice fell to a whisper at the last word, barely able to breathe afterward, and Steiner set his large hand on hers as it dug into the velvet.

“I cannot lose you too, Steiner. I just...I physically can’t,” Garnet admitted weakly, eyebrows knit and tears sneaking their way down her cheeks.

“And I shouldn’t think like this, but I have to keep moving on or so help me Steiner, I will drown,” She collapsed in on herself, buckled, and her forehead rested on the back of his glove. She felt an awkward parting of her shoulder and sniffles to accompany her own, and would have laughed at the pair of them if it wasn’t for how much her chest hurt.

*

Later, Dagger would realize she was going to spend a lifetime mourning him. She told herself that she would not take a King until she forgot the color of Zidane’s eyes; and every morning she found she remembered the exact shade of turquoise that glittered when he smiled.

For their part, Beatrix and Steiner completely understood, and vowed to support her every step of the way.

Dagger received letters from Tantalus periodically, and with bittersweet fondness, hoped their search went well.

As it turns out, on her 18th birthday, it was discovered that it had, indeed, went well.

**Author's Note:**

> I have these moments where I want to just dump eighteen pages into FFIX fanfics and then I get too nervous to do so. 
> 
> And I spent a lot of time on Rusty and Bea’s romance, so I wanted to delve into Garnet a bit more, cause I really do love her. And this happened before anything else. 
> 
> In any case, hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
